Stepping Out In Faith

A couple of years ago my husband and I felt it was time to consider moving.  This was huge for us because when we built our house, we built it with the intention of never moving again. But in the first 5 years of being in our house we went from 3 children to 6. The majority of the decision was based on 2 things. The first being that we had 5 girls and their bedroom is only about 10' X 12'. Hardly big enough for all of them. We decided to hold out because our son was a senior in high school and we didn't want to move him for his last year.

Now, a year later we are actively working towards finding another home. We have been so happy here, but feel it is time to move closer to civilization. (we're about 1/2 from the town where we spend 5 days a week - at dance and church). We don't want to move back to a big town (we love the country) so we're looking at moving about 1/2 way closer. We still can had enough land to build a small hobby farm, and still be close enough that we're not going through 2 tanks of gas every week.

The dilemma - we're very close to deciding to build again.
The struggle - we need to sell our house, so we can use the equity as a deposit.

Hmmm, that means we're potentially going to have to rent while we build. Which ultimately means moving two times in one year. Not really what I want, but the end result is so.... exciting?!?!

So, I've begun the process of destashing. There are 8 of us in a 1450 sq. ft. house. Yikes! Stuff accumulates so fast. My new motto is: If I don't want to pack it (possibly twice) then we don't need it. 


We considered this last summer, right after my son's graduation, but it didn't come about. Things changed this weekend and the process is moving again. This time feels different and everything seems to be falling into place much easier. It's the end of the school year for us, so I will have a lot more time to devote to preparing our house to sell.  Now I'm just praying for God's direction and will, which is ultimately what both my hubby and I want. God is amazing and I feel like exciting things are on their way!

Repurposing Myself

At the beginning of 2012 I gave myself a word for the year. The word I came up with was FOCUS. My goal was/is to be a better wife, mother, and example to my children.  By changing the things I don't like about myself, I can repurpose myself into the woman I want to be.  To be more purpose driven, I decided to pick areas that I feel I want to see the biggest change.

F - Faith & Family

O - Organization

C - Children

U - Unclutter

S - Scripture & School

I've set out to change these specific areas of my life to be a better example to my children. I don't feel like I'm terrible at these things, but I do feel we can all grow and change for the better. Some of this (mostly the unclutter & organize categories) will be the biggest challenge for me.  For those that don't know our family grew quickly, and in 8 years I went from being a mother of 1 to being a mother of 6. I let my organization slip because of lack of sleep and energy.

So, I'm beginning a new chapter of mothering the way God wants me to, so I can be an example that my daughters can some day look up to. I've decided to try to find time to blog again so that I can journal my progress.

My Conversation With God

God has given me words of encouragement and spoken to me through different people, or scriptures, over the years.  There are even times I just know He has spoken to me even though I didn't hear His voice.  I can only count on one hand the number of times where I actually heard His audible voice like He was right there next to me.  I haven't shared this story with many people, but it has been weighing on my heart that someone may need to hear it.

In March of 2003 I gave birth to my 3rd child.  She was called a "toehead" more times than I can count.  But by the time she was 4 months old we started to realize it was something more.  Soon after she was diagnosed with albinism, which is a genetic condition where you have little or no pigment in your eyes, skin, or hair. 

My disclaimer - While most people know the term "albino" I have a hard time with this word.  This is my own personal opinion but, I feel, 'albinism' refers to the condition, whereas 'albino' refers to the person.  She's my daughter first, not an albino.  Ok, back to my story.....

Within that first year, I had a dream that God healed her.  I know, without a doubt, that someday He will.  Until then I pray, and wait.  I'm learning as I go, but on one specific occasion God left me speachless.  To this day I'm still speachless when I think of the conversation I had with Him.

I don't remember exactly how old my daughter was, but I think she was about 1 1/2 (so this was about 6 years ago).  I remember sitting at my kitchen table praying, crying out to God to heal her.  I wanted her to be able to see the deer in our backyard, or the butterflies, or any number of other things she can't see.  Part of the conversation left me awestruck, and I still remember the words exactly. 

This is what I told God.....

"You don't understand!  A mother just wants to make things better for their children!"

To which God responded.....

"She's mine too, and I know what I'm doing."

My jaw about fell to the ground. My heart started to race.  I didn't have any response.  I was speachless.  My heart still races when I think of that short, but direct conversation.  My heart still breaks, and I could still cry, over the things she can't see.  But I now have a peace about it that I didn't have that first year.  I don't know why I never thought of her as HIS daughter too.  Never dawned on me that He had a plan in all this.  That He might actually use her/this as a testimony.  So I wait.  And I still pray.  But I believe God's plan is so much greater than I can even fathom. 

Changing Course, Even When You're On the Right Track

Do you ever feel like your on the right course, headed in the right direction, but for some reason there is something not right?  That's how I've felt since the beginning of the school year.  With a lot of prayer, and a step of faith, I changed a bunch of curriculums this year.  I knew I was doing what God wanted me to, and was so excited to see where He would be taking us.  But along the way I feel like I've had some bumps in the road.

I could never have imagined how hard it would be to complete a homeschool day with a 2 year old and an infant.  It's proving much harder than I imagined.  At some point in the last 4-6 weeks I wondered why I felt like I "had" to do school in the am.  After all, isn't flexibility one of the benefits of homeschooling?  So, for a couple of weeks we tried working in the afternoon when the 2 little ones were sleeping.  That went much smoother but, because of ear infections, etc. I was in desperate need of some cat naps, so we fell back into our old ways. 

More recently, I have one daughter that (I feel) is falling behind.  She's always been a slower learner. (ex: she didn't talk until she was 3)  But I feel like I am unable to give her the extra attention she really needs to catch up.  The other children need my guidance and the two youngest are just too young to take care of themselves.  So, I've really been wondering how to get back on track. 

I've decided to work with the older 2 girls in the am which frees up my 6 year old to play with the 2 year old.  Then in the afternoon when the 2 little ones are sleeping (hopefully they sleep), I'll work with her.  I'm going to give it a couple weeks and see how it works. 

If anyone else does alternate schedules, or something else works for you, I'd love to hear suggestions.

Choosing Next Years Curriculum

Looking for a new curriculum, for my girls, was so hard for me. I like things black & white. There's nothing wrong with the curriculum I've always used, so when God told me not to use my "normal" curriculum I started to panic. I started to think things like:

"I don't even know where to start looking."
"What if I choose the wrong one?"
"We don't have money to waste on things that aren't going to work."

But the feeling just wouldn't go away.  I knew God wasn't going to let me off the hook this year.  You see, I started to feel this was after I started school with them....last year!  But I didn't want to waste what we had already invested in, so ignored the feeling.  When last year ended, I started to look at homeschool catalogs.  It was then that I started to feel so overwhelmed.  So I started to pray about what God wanted us to use.  I prayed A LOT.  I had no idea what direction to go in....until I saw it.

Flying Creature of the Fifth Day by Apologia.  As soon as I saw it I knew.  You see, we live in the country.  On a daily basis we see birds that others have never even seen.  Not to mention the bugs!  Believe it or not, my girls are facinated with them.  As I read about the course I started to get excited, which was confirmation for me.  Then I started to get excited about what else I could find.

Through the summer God has shown me where we need to be for this year.  Up until now, I've had my 3 girls in different grade levels for every single subject.  God has given me curriculums, for this year, that I can do with multi-age levels.  So, Science, History, and Math will be consolidated for my oldest 2 girls, and maybe even my 6 year old.  With a 2 year old and an infant, this will free up some of my time for them.

I don't know how it will all fall into place, but I feel such a relief to know that God is in control of this. All I had to do was take the first step....in faith!

Back to Basics

Back to Basics . . . .
That's what God spoke to me over a year ago.  I had no idea what it meant, but I suspected things were about to change.  My husband had been wanting to downsize our "things" and I assumed this had something to do with that.  Then, over the course of time, I realized God had something more for me.  He told me change was coming.  Again, I had no idea where that would lead.

This would take way to long to read if I gave you all the details, but let me sum up the past year:

• God told me some friendships would be changing, and they did. I lost a couple key friends.
• God told me to step down from the bible study at our church and our MOPS group.
• I found out I was pregnant (I now have a 6 month old:)
• God told me it was time to step out and try something new with my homeschooling.

I'm still not sure why those friends have been removed, but hopefully someday I will understand.  As for the rest of the list...  They may not seem like a huge deal, but to me they were.  Why would God tell me not to do a bible study??? And, I had no idea how hard it would be to finish out last years school year with a 2 year old and an infant. (some days I didn't think we'd ever finish).

So, when he told me to step out and try something new, with regards to homeschooling the girls, I panicked.  Other than being extra busy with the little ones, I didn't see anything wrong with the curriculum I have been using all along.  Plus, why fix it if it isn't broke? Right?!?!  I didn't do anything at first, mostly because I didn't want to choose the wrong curriculum, but I knew I needed to obey God.  I knew the pull that I felt wouldn't go away until I took that first step.  For those of you who may be hesitating....take that first step!  I felt such a relief when I did.  And after I took the first step, the second one was a little bit easier, and the third even easier than the first two. 

I am now confident that I am exactly where God was leading me.  I have rearranged our home school schedule so that I will have more time with the little ones.  (I'll get into how I consolidated things in the next few days.)

Here's where God's Back to Basics worked into the picture.  Two of my girls have been asking me, for a very long time, to teach them cooking and sewing.  If I hadn't stepped out in faith, I would have ended up with another school year of 'too much work and not enough time' to teach them basic life skills that they are wanting to learn.   I'm excited for what this year will bring.  I'm sure God has even more for us, now that I've stepped out in faith.

Stepping Out in Faith

After we began the school year last fall, I felt God was telling me it was time for a different curriculum.  Me, not wanting to change after I had started, just kept moving in the direction I had been headed.  My problem is that, most of the time, I am a black & white person.  I want to know where I'm going and when.  Then the getting there won't be the hard part.  So, to change curriculums mid-year did not sound like fun to me.  After all, I've only ever used one curriculum, and I've been using it for the past four years.  That would have meant (in my mind) taking time to look into a new curriculum(s) . . . . and then what would happen if I didn't like it or it wasn't working for the girls!?!?! 

All these months later, I wish I had listened to God. I may not be struggling to finish the year if I had just stepped out in faith.  So, when our computer crashed almost 3 weeks ago, it left me with some time to think about things.  I knew what God had told me, but I forgot the most important part.  He won't take the steps for us.  If we don't take that first step how can He lead us?  Just knowing He told us to do something isn't enough.  We need to act on it. 

I'm still not 100% what I'm using for a couple of subjects, but now that I'm moving in the right direction, I'm excited to see where God will lead us for next year. 

~Kristine