My Conversation With God

God has given me words of encouragement and spoken to me through different people, or scriptures, over the years.  There are even times I just know He has spoken to me even though I didn't hear His voice.  I can only count on one hand the number of times where I actually heard His audible voice like He was right there next to me.  I haven't shared this story with many people, but it has been weighing on my heart that someone may need to hear it.

In March of 2003 I gave birth to my 3rd child.  She was called a "toehead" more times than I can count.  But by the time she was 4 months old we started to realize it was something more.  Soon after she was diagnosed with albinism, which is a genetic condition where you have little or no pigment in your eyes, skin, or hair. 

My disclaimer - While most people know the term "albino" I have a hard time with this word.  This is my own personal opinion but, I feel, 'albinism' refers to the condition, whereas 'albino' refers to the person.  She's my daughter first, not an albino.  Ok, back to my story.....

Within that first year, I had a dream that God healed her.  I know, without a doubt, that someday He will.  Until then I pray, and wait.  I'm learning as I go, but on one specific occasion God left me speachless.  To this day I'm still speachless when I think of the conversation I had with Him.

I don't remember exactly how old my daughter was, but I think she was about 1 1/2 (so this was about 6 years ago).  I remember sitting at my kitchen table praying, crying out to God to heal her.  I wanted her to be able to see the deer in our backyard, or the butterflies, or any number of other things she can't see.  Part of the conversation left me awestruck, and I still remember the words exactly. 

This is what I told God.....

"You don't understand!  A mother just wants to make things better for their children!"

To which God responded.....

"She's mine too, and I know what I'm doing."

My jaw about fell to the ground. My heart started to race.  I didn't have any response.  I was speachless.  My heart still races when I think of that short, but direct conversation.  My heart still breaks, and I could still cry, over the things she can't see.  But I now have a peace about it that I didn't have that first year.  I don't know why I never thought of her as HIS daughter too.  Never dawned on me that He had a plan in all this.  That He might actually use her/this as a testimony.  So I wait.  And I still pray.  But I believe God's plan is so much greater than I can even fathom.