Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Battling Fear

I'm not one who battles fear normally.  I usually think of myself as pretty calm and rational.  But from the moment I found out I was pregnant again I have been fighting this fear of labor and delivery.  For the most part, I have very uneventful pregnancies but the deliveries are the opposite.  Most people don't know that I struggle with this, and I don't say anything, but this fear is very real.  I have been feeling the need to blog about it.....so maybe I'm not alone after all. 

Out of the 5 deliveries I've had, only one was 'normal'. The other 4 had complications, each one with a different issue. Unfortunately, my deliveries seem to get harder the more I have, so the thought of having another one has been scary for me.  Very early on in this pregnancy I told my doctor "I just want to be a statistic." She looked at me funny. Then I explained myself.  Statistics have shown that the more children a woman has, the early she goes into labor and the quicker her labors are.  I have defied those odds with all of mine.  She said that I needed to tell myself over and over, (and I quote) "Say 'I am average' and then believe it."  I took those words to heart that day and have repeated it over and over. 

Then a friend suggested I read the book "HypnoBirthing".  I'm not into hypnosis (and told her that) but she said there were a lot of good suggestions in the book. I decided to read the book. I would take from it what I could and leave the rest.  By page 3 I knew exactly why I was supposed to read the book.  Fear creates stress and tension. When you have stress and/or tension it is counterproductive to your contractions and will actually slow your labor down.  (Put aside the 'problems' I've had, I've also had very long labors).  I'm still working on it, but from that point on I started to feel some relief about my upcoming delivery.

Today I got home from my dr. appt. and really felt like I was supposed to open the Bible and read something. I picked it up and opened it.  What I was looking for was in Proverbs but as the Bible opened I looked down.  God wanted me to see something else.....The very first thing my eyes saw were:

"The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid." 
Psalm 118: 6 

From this moment on I'm going to keep reciting that over and over to myself.  I'm planning on God doing something amazing.  I have some great testimonies from this pregnancy already and I can't wait to see the testimony that comes from putting my trust in Him.


Kimmie said...

Dearest Kristine ;-)

Now mind you; I am no expert on childbirth...I am thankful to have done it once-however, I will share the Truth I know.

FEAR comes from evil...always. He sends it to control us and to keep us from living in the fullness of God.

What does God tell us:

*Fear not (I have heard it said it is in the Bible 365 times....to cover each of our days ...including those for women who might fall into birthing on one of those 365 days)
*acknowledge Him in all our ways (well certainly giving birth falls into this)
*Lean not on our own understandings (or experiences)
*keep our minds and hearts on Him
*to live, allowing the Spirit to move in POWER in our lives (I dunno, but I think He can work in Power to push out a baby.)
*to put on the FULL armor of God, to ward off our enemy (satan).

I will tell you that I had NO pain in my one birth. I was totally Trusting Him. You see the doctors were telling us that our baby would be born with many problems:no spinal fusion, missing limbs, brain damage, cleft palate...the list was huge of *possibilities* for her *being*.

I was a Christian and I know lies when I hear them, the gift of discernment is one He has given me. I didn't believe them, weekly and then daily, they tried to prepare me for the worst. They encouraged me to consider termination of our baby. Sounds just like Evil, no?

Well, I set my heart on God, as did my Knight. We didn't allow fear to sneak in. 4 hours from start to finish, with just one second of a cramp. No pain meds. They did try ...but they waited too long and when they gave it to me, I was one who it went into a *space* and didn't work. I pushed for less than a hour.

She came out needing a team of experts, as they were waiting for the worst. There were tons of people in that room ready to whisk her away to specialists....

*They* were wrong.

Fear tried to rob me of my Father's joy.

Fear tried to have me worry and anxious, wasting precious time my God had blessed me with.

We named her Isabella which means *consecrated to God* (set aside for her purposes). She was the firstborn and given to the Lord.

You know the rest, look at her. See what she is doing with her life now.

And I think what Pastor says also applies,"Those who honor God (even in childbirth), He will honor."

I am praying against every fear that tries to rise up against you. Throw it down my friend, and then tell the devil to get behind you and STOP pushing.

Fix your eyes upon Him, dwell on His Word. Memorize scripture that will speak to you when you need it. Let Him be the focus and nothing else.

Yup, I've said it and I'm sticking to it.

And I guess adoption is a lot like giving birth...fear not Kimmie, fear not...God is going to come with the money!

mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted
*expecting again...from Ethiopia!

Rebecca said...

Love the verse and am going to put that one in the memory bank for my own reasons.
God is good even when we're a little tinkery in our minds.
We are going to make it my friend with victory!

elizabeth said...

very good! you will do great! that is exactly the only thing i remember from that book, too!


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